


hard eyes (tender glances)

by dullsville



Series: wishing we were warmer [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Light Angst, post 4x13, the radio finally works so they are all happy or are they? dun dun, will raven and murphy finally go on their date??? hell yea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-08-30 01:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16755445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dullsville/pseuds/dullsville
Summary: Octavia is hidden beneath the earth, Clarke is trapped on the ground, and Bellamy is stuck in space.Or the one where Raven saves the day…again.





	hard eyes (tender glances)

 

_End of Year Two_

 

Does he wish upon the stars that she was closer, to breathe her in like the fresh air from the ground, to feel the warmth of her skin like the sun, to run his hands through her hair and stare into her fading galaxy eyes?

He wishes he was closer to her, the coldness of the Ark was burned into his skin. 

He wanted to be with her.

More than ever now. 

She was a call away and that made his skin crawl, itching to be closer, itching to be touched by her. He wonders if she feels the same or if she's just as worried about what could happen if they come down and they _don't work_. But how could they not? They were Clarke and Bellamy. Bellamy and Clarke. They always worked. They worked now, so why wouldn't they then?

He had fears about the future, not just about his own, but about his people. He feared for the people stuck on the ground, hidden beneath piles of rock. Were they ever alive? Did they last the amounted time with the food supply they had? Or had they perished between the first and second year?

_"I love you, big brother," Octavia whispers to him, looking up at him with dark eyes as she prepares for the worst. He knows what she has to do, where she has to go, and who she has to go with._

_"Go with him," he says back, understanding. "Be safe and come back to me,_ alive _."_

_She smiles and he sees a little part of himself in her as she moves from her crouch. She grips the tree before her, the dark trunk was nothing compared to her hair and the way she stood against it, her smile shifting from the softness to the hardness of a smirk. She flips her hair over her shoulder, like she was preparing herself for the war ahead of her. When she smirks at him, her eyes twinkle in the darkness as she says to him with confidence, "I'll be back before you know it."_

The bunker was buried and he had no way of knowing if any of them were alive. He didn't know anything and wouldn't know anything for the remained of his years stuck in space. He feared for their lives, when he knew better than to fear anything because they had a great leader.

His sister would protect them. 

______________________

_700 days_

"Do you think he's okay?" Raven whispers, nudging Murphy with her elbow as they stare at Bellamy from outside the workshop. He had been sitting and talking to Clarke for hours, a serious look on his face like someone had just told him he would never go back down to the ground, which Raven knew was impossible because she was in charge of that; they were getting back to the ground even if they had to die trying, she'd make certain of that.

He looks at her and then back at Bellamy before shaking his head, "Definitely not."

Raven leans against the wall, trying to think of what the pair inside could be talking about. She wasn't one to eavesdrop, okay maybe she was, but she felt differently this time. It could be one of their private moments, she didn't want to interrupt like last time. "Could be about Octavia," she suggests. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Him finding out the bunker is completely sealed off threw him for a loop-"

"-and the whole Clarke being alive really left him shell shocked," Murphy adds, his arms crossed over his chest. "And they've known about each other for over a hundred days, give them more time."

She nudges him again, rolling her eyes. "It has to be about Octavia."

"How are you so certain?"

"Well, it's because I'm always right."

He scoffs. "Sure you are."

She ignores his comment, but smiles anyways as she pushes away from the wall. She scuffs her feet across the floor as they walk back to the common room, hands brushing awkwardly against each other as they moved, both of them too afraid to grab the other. She thinks this is it, they will part ways like they usually do and that will be that, instead his hand brushes against hers and stops, his fingers warm against her palm.

He stops her, finally grabbing onto her, but not her hand. He grips her wrist, making sure she's facing him as he asks, "So, when are you finally going to give me that drink?"

"Drink?" she plays dumb, with a stupid grin on her face.

He catches on, mirroring her smile. "The one you promised-" he checks his wrist as if he has a watch, and he doesn't, so he does it for the dramatics. "-exactly one hundred days ago. Why haven't you owned up to it yet?"

She stares at him for a hot second before shrugging and saying, "Better to ride out the whole 'Bellamy and Clarke' thing first before I get you drunk, don't you think?" She moves past him, not waiting for his response which she is sure is just another classic Murphy smirk as she passes. But she doesn't leave him completely, throwing over her shoulder, "We'll have that drink soon enough, just you wait."

"Come on, Reyes!" he laughs behind her. "Don't leave me hanging!"

She turns as she walks, grinning as she holds up her hands, "Like to see you work for it, suffer a little."

He shakes his head, but the smile on his face reassures her as she spins back around, a little more pep in her step. 

______________________

_705 days_

_Octavia._

_Octavia. Octavia. Octavia._

_"Where are you?"_

_He calls out into open space, hands cupped to his mouth as he shouts for her, her name running through his mind a million beats per second. It was jumbled in his brain, like it wasn't real. Like none of this was ever real. Was it even real? Or just made up by his brain to trick him?_

_Octavia._

_OctaviaOctaviaOctaviaOctaviaOctavia._

He wakes with a start.

The sound of her name falling from his mouth as he breathes and wonders if this was a sign or a warning. 

______________________

_710 days_

Clarke sits with Madi outside, the sun shining brightly down on the bare skin of her shoulders. She makes sure she's careful not to get sunburnt, she made her own sunscreen from wheatgerm she had found deeper into their part of the green. She had been thankful, fearing this summer would be a hot one for the two. It would be a weak form of protection, but she thought it would be better than nothing.

Madi sits close to her, reading from a little book Clarke had discovered in the back of the rover. Her heart had nearly melted when she had found it, pulling the radio nearly instantly. 

"I found your book," she says into it, playing with the grass by her side. 

"Which one?" Bellamy says and she will never stop being surprised to hear him answer her. To have his voice ring out, nearly perfectly save for the static hear and there but that was something she could easily deal with, was thrilling. It was like breathing for the first time, it was welcoming and sent her home. 

Clarke looks over at Madi who read the book slowly, finger under the words as she read. " _The Iliad_."

She hears Bellamy breathe deeply before chuckling, "Thought I had lost that ages ago."

She brushes her hair from her face as she begins to feel hot. "Found it in the rover, hidden underneath the passenger seat. Madi says she likes it so far, but gets why you like it so much."

"What does that mean?" he laughs.

"It means you're a nerd," Madi chirps, not looking up from the book as she speaks. She lays across the blanket Clarke brought out for them to sit on, laying on her stomach with her feet kicking slowly in the air. Her hair was getting longer and Clarke thinks about cutting it, they would both be in dire need of a haircut if the heat persists like this. 

"Glad to know that's what you think of me."

"You know we love you, Bellamy."

"Yeah, yeah."

Clarke sees the smile on Madi's face, she loved teasing him more than she loved talking to Echo and Emori, which was a constant. The three talked nearly daily, when Madi finally tears the radio from Clarke. The three talked about the local flowers and fauna, fighting techniques, and their past. Madi loved hearing about Echo's Azgeda days a little more than she loved Emori's talk of her time in the desert. The three were unlikely friends. 

"Will you tell me more about Ares and Aphrodite tonight," Madi says as she takes the radio, now ignoring her book. "I know you said I'd have to wait a little longer for more of the story, but you've got me way too interested."

"I thought you didn't like this one-"

"No, I _like_ this one but I don't _love_ it."

"That's only because you liked the first one-"

"That's because Hades and Persephone are obviously meant to be, but Ares and Aphrodite? Come on-"

Clarke half hears the rest of the conversation and half doesn't as she finds herself closing her eyes and drifting in between blissful sleep as she thinks. With the sun shining brightly on her, when she closes her eyes, it's red and orange behind her eyelids. And she's brought back to Praimfaya, the death wave that nearly killed her and everyone she loved.

_She coughs up blood, stumbling into Becca's lab. She falls against the control panel, closing the doors behind her as the wave slams into the once sturdy building. She's already loosing consciousness as the first parts of the roof begin to cave in from above._

_When she wakes, she surrounded by rubble, almost completely untouched. Her head is heavy, like she had been hit in the back of the head with a shovel or maybe a hangover after a bender. She touches her face, finding it riddled with raised bumps and what she could only guess as radiation poisoning. She coughs into her elbow, trying her best to cover her mouth as she coughs up more blood. She feels weak, weaker than before and she fears that her nightblood wasn't working, that she would be dead in hours._

_She wouldn't be able to cheat death, for he was unforgiving and cruel._ _So instead, he gifted her with a slow and painful death._

"-Clarke you liked the first story better right?" Bellamy laughs and Clarke nods and says, "It was one of your bests." She pauses, sitting up and taking the radio from Madi, "Did you use to tell them to Octavia? When she was younger?"

He waits a beat before responding. "She never liked Hades and Persephone as much as I did, she was more of an Ares girl herself."

Octavia brought fire with her wherever she went, she brought war and death. She was similar to Clarke is more ways than one, the pair bringing more destruction than they bargained for. More death hung on their shoulders than the grim reaper himself, more than Hades could ever dream of. They walked amongst the flames, the death, and the ruin, and the thought terrified her.

But the fight that burned in both girls would burn eternally, but their paths would change. They would reach a fork in the road and diverge upon the chosen paths, their fates spinning from a dangerous Ares to a kinder Persephone while the other had always been a beautiful Aphrodite turned Ares, the war merging with her blood. She was one with the rage and Clarke prayed she wouldn't be similar. They couldn't have two Ares fighting alongside the same war.

______________________

_723 days_

"Can we just pretend the algae tastes good for once?" Monty groans, resting his head against the table in the kitchen he had made into a greenhouse. He had worked long and hard on the place, perfecting it to the last piece of damned algae, but he couldn't perfect the one thing they would be forced to eat the rest of their time on the ring. "Like it was something good we roasted over the fire pits on the ground?"

Harper smiles, licking her lips with a dreamy look in her eyes, "Grilled squirrel. Roasted deer."

Monty rubs his head, poking at the algae with one of his spoons. It was his third batch today and he just knew in his heart it sucked, he was almost positive it did. "I think you should start looking for a better cook, maybe someone who knows how to make something taste _good_."

"Monty-" Harper starts but he stops her, shaking his head. 

"It's shit and you know it."

She sighs. "There's always room to improve, you just need more time. But to be fair, there isn't much up here to make it truly taste good. It's not like we have the herbs and berries from the ground anyways." She takes the bowl from him, holding it up and sniffing it, "See, it doesn't even smell awful." She picks up the spoon and scoops up a mouthful that would make him sick if he dared eat as much.

He tries to protest, trying to grab the bowl from her, to throw it away before she eats it. But he's not quick enough and she's already put the spoon in her mouth and he closes his eyes, afraid she'll be knocked out or be sick instantly. But neither of the two happens and he opens his eyes slowly, looking at her curiously. "It's not…bad?"

She shakes her head, her eyes wide with surprise. "Listen, I really didn't believe it would be good, I really didn't. I was just trying to make you feel better, but damn Monty. It's good."

"Like actually edible? Actually worth eating?"

She nods. "I mean, it still takes like shit, don't get me wrong. But it has more flavor than the rest and I'm not forcing myself to swallow it, and look!" she takes another spoonful and eats, chewing and swallowing easily before proclaiming as she places the bowl down in excitement, "I didn't even gag!"

He stands from his seat, wrapping his arms around her and spins her around. She wraps her arms around him, squealing as he lifts her off the ground. When he stops spinning and slowly lowers her back to the floor, she has a stupid smile on her face and she whispers to him while brushing his hair back from his forehead, "I love you."

He keeps his arms around her and kissing her cheek and then her lips, slowly, like a thank you. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers and smiles as he says it, "I love you-" He takes her face into his hands and kisses her again, her hands going up to him. She's warm against him and smells faintly of the old soap they had found in boxes in storage. "-more than you could ever know."

______________________

 

_Year Three_

 

Echo shifts uncomfortably in her seat, rubbing her face as she wonders if she'll do it. She should. She should just pick the mic up and speak, Clarke would wonder when she would finally come to speak to her and today was the day.

Yesterday was the day actually, but she chickened out.

Same with the two days before…and the week before and before…and when Clarke's messages were finally heard, that was when. She had put off this moment for days, saving her thoughts and trying to collect herself. She would speak to Madi, she would speak to the young girl as much as should could because it was everyone but Clarke. She didn't want to face her, she didn't want to know.

So when she picks up the mic and turns it on, she clears her throat and says into the empty air, "Hello?" She waits a moment when she hears no response right away. "Clarke?"

The receiver crackles to life and Clarke speaks to her, cautiously, "Echo?"

"Yes. It's me."

"What's going on? Everything alright?"

Echo shudders, no, she thinks. Nothing was alright. 

"Echo?" Clarke says, confusion in her voice as to why the other woman hasn't said anything else. "Are you still there?"

"I just wanted to-" she clears her throat awkwardly, resting on her hand and thinking she should just come out and say it, don't be afraid. "-apologize. I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"For taking your spot."

Clarke gasps, more confused than before as she asks, "What spot?"

"On the launch ship. With the others." 

Echo is short and precise, going straight to her topic. She's mostly afraid if she says anything else, Clarke would hate her and realize mostly everything was her fault. It seemed like nowadays it always was. It was on the ground and she feared it would be the same on the ring. 

"I was the extra man," she explains. "I took the spot that should've been yours. Instead, you went to the tower and was left behind. It should have been me."

"Echo…" Clarke says slowly, trailing off. Her voice is strained, like she's trying to figure out what to say and Echo couldn't blame her, it was probably the last thing on her mind. "…it's not your fault. You became a valued person of the group, you deserved that spot on the launch ship. Besides, if I hadn't been left behind who would've found Madi? How would you become such great friends with us, and even more important…better _friends_ with Emori."

Echo is silent. How did she know about her and Emori? They hadn't told her or Madi, she couldn't have known.

"You really think I can't hear how you talk to each other?" Clarke laughs, like she's the smartest person in the world and Echo gives her that. "When you two and Madi talk, I can hear it in your voice and I can hear it in hers. You two adore each other."

Her face burns, her cheeks reddening at the thought of how easy it was to detect there was something between the two. She hadn't realized she had become so easy to read. "Spies are trained to be unreadable," she tells Clarke. "It looks like being on the Ark has messed up the way I was trained to be. The way I'm supposed to be."

Clarke laughs and she half expects the girl to tell her how foolish she sounded. To tell her she was weak, but Clarke surprises her with a kind, "The Ark changes people, just like the ground. People change. I changed, Murphy changed, and so have you. It's just what happens when you join to the family."

Echo thinks for a moment, the word family throwing her off. She doesn't think she's truly had a family. She had served the king, been a spy, and a secret assassin, but she'd never been told she was a apart of something bigger than all of that. Something more important. Something kinder, something that will strengthen her more than basic training. 

She had family. 

For the first time in years, she had people who truly _cared_.

______________________

_763 days_

Clarke dreams of Octavia for the first time in a year.

They stand together at the face of a cliff, hair whipping around them as the wind strengthens. 

There are flowers in her hair, soft ones, colored a pasty white that contrasted with her hair. Her eyes mirrored the waves below them, crashing upon the jagged rocks that would surely take their lives easily if they fell or jumped. Clarke didn't feel like herself, it was as if she was watching Octavia and herself from the sky above. Her brown hair resembled the brown of the earth, fresh and dark like a trees trunk or the dirt they walked upon. She was silent and when she looked at Clarke, her face once bare, was covered in warpaint similar to the style she painted on for the Final Conclave. 

There was blood covering her hands and splattered across her face like artwork. 

It dripped from her palms and face to the grass, the blood shining bright from the dull green. She smiled at her, showing bloodied teeth before grabbing Clarke's hands and pulling her to her. There was a sharpness in Clarke's gut, twisting and painful, a knife sticking out from her like a reminder. Blood began to spread out across her white shirt, coating it in a sickening dark red. 

"There are no good guys anymore, Clarke."

Octavia smiles, tacking her by the shoulder and pulling her right over the cliff. As they plummet towards the water, Clarke's body already welcoming the cold of the water, Octavia has her eyes closed. She has them closed and looks peaceful. She looks peaceful for the first time in ages, and Clarke knows this was all a dream and she wasn't truly happy but the thought of her face with no signs of distress or pain brought something to Clarke's heart she never thought she would have again for the younger girl. It's triumphant against the betrayal, the warning sign Clarke sees through the veil. 

Happiness.

Octavia was happy in her dream, driving the knife through her gut and sending them to an early grave.

______________________

_789 days_

He doesn't hear from Clarke for the first time since they found each other. He sits at the desk, head buried in his hands at the thought of her being gone or even worse, dead. He had gone through that pain once before, he wasn't going to allow it to happen a second time. 

"Clarke?" he asks into the mic, praying she responds.

But when she doesn't, he's not surprised. 

He wouldn't be surprised until she spoke to him. Hearing her voice gave him hope, not only about the future, but about him. He saw a better version of himself in her, he saw it in her voice. He was interrupted from his thoughts by Raven who knows on the workshop door and comes in without a greeting as she sits down in the seat next to him. She rests her arm against the table and leans against her hand.

"You've been cooped up in here for days," she tells him, like he hadn't already known. But if he was fair to her, she was right. He hadn't of been that aware of how much time he was spending in there. "And not only that you been doing that, you've been moping. Like post Praimfaya moping, when you thought Clarke was dead. But I know for a fact that she's alive and well, so what the hell is going on?"

He sighs, rubbing his face. "She hasn't radioed today."

"So?"

"Something could be wrong-"

"Bullshit and you know it, Blake," she laughs, looking at him through shielded eyes. "She's a capable girl, she can take care of herself. If something's wrong, she can handle it. Besides, sometimes she's _just_ late." 

"But what if-"

"Not buts!" 

He rolls his eyes, but smiles at her. 

"You still haven't told me the whole story," she adds, scooting her chair closer. "What else is going on? That can't just be it, because it's been _days_."

He looks at her and knows he can tell her anything. They were friends, they were family, it shouldn't be a problem. He had it all back, he had his friends and he was alive and he had Clarke, so why should he feel trapped? Why should he feel worried and scared and helpless? But he confesses to her anyways because she will understand.

"I'm worried about Octavia."

She nods slowly, because she too was worried. There was no way to get to them from Clarke's side and neither from theirs. They were all seperated, on different planes of existence almost. "Clarke still can't get into the bunker?"

He shakes his head. "She goes every couple of days to move rocks she can lift. But it would be nearly impossible for her to get them out just her alone."

"I can work with the radio," Raven tells him and she sounds hopeful. "See if I can reach their signal. If I could get to Clarke, doesn't mean I can't get to them, right?" She rests back into her seat, staring up at the ceiling with her arms under her head, stretching. "Could be difficult if her signal was the one to go out first, but let's be real. I'm sort of a genius-a badass mechanical engineer-so anything is possible."

He laughs, rolling his eyes. "It always seems like you're the one who saves our asses the most."

"Took you long enough," she grins as she stands, hands on her hips. "Just had to tell you I'll bring your sister back for you to realize it too."

He reaches out and she does too, the pair taking each other's hands. "How do I repay you?"

She thinks for a moment, free hand on her chin as she murmurs, "Put a sock on the door when you and Clarke decide to have freaky radio sex again."

"Raven-" Bellamy starts, racing reddening before she starts to laugh. "- _I said I was sorry_!"

"Yeah, but not enough," she grins as she backs away from the door after dropping their hands. "Maybe put up a sign? Or better yet, close the fucking door."

He covers his face with his hands, laughing as he groans out, "I promise to close the door, put a sign up, _and_ a sock on the door." She gives him a wicked smile before leaving, but not before kicking the door closed behind her. He turns in his seat, looking back at the monitors and the receiver. It crackles, but no voices speak out to him and he wonders if his sister would be one of those voices one day. 

_"We will meet again," he tells her. He knows for a fact nothing will hold them back, not even the death wave or space or layer of dirt and rock. Nothing could ever keep them apart, not even a dropship going down to the ground._

_"I'll be waiting…" she whispers back. "…under the floor."_

_He smiles, thinking back to when she had lived underneath the floorboards of their home on the Ark. When he was the one who practically got her caught and forced into the cell. But was it all worth it? To be where he was now? They were separated again and he didn't know for how long this time._

_The pair didn't know whether the other would live or not, and it scared the hell out of them._ _Scared them more than the grounders, the Mountain Men, or even the death wave._

_Being separated and not knowing if the other was safe was worse. It would always be worse._

The radio crackles and he sits back in his seat with a smile, picking up the mic and saying, "You're late, princess."

Clarke laughs and he wishes he could see her, but he already has an idea about what she's doing. Sitting at her table, hand in her hair and a silly smile on her face that mimicked the one he saw on her when it rains on the ground. She would look up at the sky, eyes closed and smiling as the water rains onto her face and runs off her cheeks. "Sorry, left the radio in the rover and went for a walk-and this might surprise you-but I got lost."

"Lost? There's only one patch of green, how could you've possibly gotten lost?" he laughs, feeling comfort in knowing she was safe. She was _fine_.

"Got turned around a mile from the lake," she says to him and he imagines her twirling a strand of her hair, feet tossed up on the table. "Found a cave, not a deep one at all but somewhere safe to hide."

"Already planning for the next big threat?" he teases and she only hums in response as he asks, "You think there will be another threat? You'd think after the time we've had, all of the monsters would be wiped out by now."

"We've already had two nuclear wars," she sighs. "And we fought the grounders and the Mountain Men, you'd really think there wouldn't be anymore, but I'm still nervous. I'm still nervous that something else lurks out here or out there with you. We won't be safe until every single threat is gone."

"And when do you think that will be?"

"When you come back. Can't defeat them without you."

He smiles. "I'll be there before you know it."

"I'm betting on it."

______________________

_801 days_

"So, the red flowers are okay but the purple one was poisonous?" Madi asks into the radio. She sits with her feet dangling off the old table outside, the air was cooler and not as hot as it had been. She was thankful for the breeze the earth gave off, moving through trees and knocking leaves down. 

"No, no," Echo laughs from the radio. "You got it backwards-"

"The purple are okay and the red are poisonous," Emori finishes for her. 

"So I give the purple ones to Clarke?" Madi asks, wondering where she was. Clarke had gone out that morning and hadn't returned and it was already midday. 

The pair from the Ark, laughed as they said together, "Yes."

Madi wonders what they look like, never having asked the question before. They don't even know what _she_ looks like. It was as if they were almost strangers, pen pals. "Are you two in love?" she decides to ask pointblank. She had always wondered and she had overheard Clarke speaking to Echo sometime ago and Echo had confirmed it, but she wants them to confirm it to her too.

"Well-" Echo starts and she sighs, like they are looking into each others eyes. "-yes."

There's soft laughter in the background that Madi detects as Emori and the sound of little kisses, like it was the first time they had confessed that to one another. Madi smiles, swinging her feet and wondering if she would find something as pure as them. Something as cute. 

Just as she's about to keep talking to them, she sees Clarke emerge from the path up ahead and she smiles and waves. Madi waves back, wondering where she had been all day but ignores her question by going back to her friends. "I wish we could play games together," she tells them. "I wish I could _see_ you. I wish you could see me and what I'm doing."

"We can play eye spy," Emori suggests and Madi's heart leaps for joy inside her chest. "But because we all can't see what you're seeing, you just describe it in great detail and we'll try and guess what it is."

Madi is already nodding, trying to fight back her growing smile, "Okay, okay, let me think of something first." She searches the area, wondering what a good item she could describe well, but she only found a little marble stuck in the cracks of the table beneath her legs. "It's small." 

She tries to pull it out, but it's stuck deep inside the wood. She imagines the wood had grown around the little thing, but she knows better. "It can fit inside the palm of your hand. It's about as big as the buttons on a shirt."

"An insect?" Emori asks.

Madi shakes her head. "It's not alive. It's yellow and red, and hard. It's in the shape of a ball. It's hard, like it's made of glass."

Emori guesses again, sounding unsure as she says, "Marble?"

"Yes!" Madi exclaims, smiling as she finally pulls it free of it's wooden trap. She holds it in her hand, rolling the little ball around in the center of her palm. It's light and tiny, something she could loose easily. She slips it into the front pocket of her shirt, tucking her secret away as she looks for another thing to describe. She settles on something all around her, wondering if they could see it too. "It's green here. Everything around me is a different shade of green. Some are tall and big, and others are small and skinny. I can touch it, walk on it, and smell it."

She sighs. They hadn't been on the ground for three years now, could they even remember the way the green felt here? The grass? The leaves? The stems of flowers?

"Some are so light I can pick and tear it up, and others are so large that if they fell you could probably hear it up in space," she says, standing to sit in the grass underneath the trees. She plucks at the strands on grass by her feet, tearing the little shards in half and noticing how fresh it smelled. "It smells like-like-" she tries to think of a good word to describe and finally settles on one, hoping they understood too, "-like breathing for the first time. It's fresh and cool, but something it smells hot and thick, like there is too much of it."

"The green," Echo says in a whisper. "Are you talking about your patch of green?"

Madi nods, humming in response. "I wish you could see it like I can."

"We can see it," she says back, her voice thick like it was hard to speak. "There's a big glass window that overlooks the earth and we can see your patch of green. We've been looking at it for years now."

"Is it as beautiful up there as it is here?"

"Yes," she breathes. "Even more so."

______________________

_827 days_

Murphy was angry.

Not like kill someone angry or even start a fight angry, but he was jealous.  

He was watching Raven do exactly what she promised him, to Bellamy. They sat together in the common room, drinks in hand, chatting and laughing. He knew he was being creepy watching them while hiding behind the doorframe to the hall, but he was jealous. _He was jealous_. He watches them, sipping casually and talking about something that makes Raven blush and Bellamy put a hand on her shoulder and he has to turn away. He knows there isn't anything there, mainly for the fact that he heard Bellamy tell Clarke he loved her last week. Was Raven doing this to make him jealous purposely? Or was she just messing with him? Making him work for it-

He rubs his face. How could you be so fucking stupid, he thinks to himself. 

She had told him, exactly one hundred and twenty-seven days ago. He wipes his face and goes back down the hall to his room, the one across the ship to think of ways to get her to notice how badly he was suffering or better yet, how he wasn't suffering at all. He's almost to his room when he stops, seeing the shadow of someone against the wall and he pauses and wonders to him, who could be in his room?

He walks in and finally sees her and comes and says, "What are you doing here?"

She jumps, hand going to her chest as she turns around and scowls at him, "Jesus, you scared me."

"You're in my room," he says, stepping further into the room but staying far enough away from her. "You've never come down here before."

"Never had a reason to until now."

"What's going on? Something wrong between you and Echo?"

She sighs, brushing her hair back with her hand. "No, nothing's wrong. It's quite the opposite."

He moves to sit down, looking at her with one arm slung across the back of the couch. "What could possibly be wrong? You two are about as loved up as a married couple."

"That's one of the problems," she says and sits down next to him. She crosses her legs and rests her elbows on her thighs and sighs. "I'm in love with her, but I still feel guilty."

"For what?"

"For you."

"What about me? We broke up."

"Yeah, and I still feel like shit about it."

"Why? Because you're still _secretly_ in love with me?"

"Damn, John. You guessed it."

"Tell me, honestly, what's wrong? You broke up with me for good reason, I would've done the same. I was a shit boyfriend to you."

"Our spark dulled, that's all," she tells him truthfully, sitting up straight to look him in the eyes. "I feel guilty because of how I ended things with you and because I'm in love with Echo and I…"

"Tell me."

"…I don't think I ever felt this way with you. Wanting to just…"

"Come on, Emori."

"…to just live within her. Does that make sense?" she rubs her eyes and looks up at the ceiling with emotion spreading across her face. "I don't want to live without her, isn't that silly? The thought of that brings-" she wipes her eyes away and Murphy sees the wetness on her cheeks. "-tears to my eyes. It's pathetic."

He shakes his head, reaching out and taking her hand. "It's not pathetic, _you aren't pathetic_."

"You're only saying that because I'm crying in your room," she laughs, squeezing his hand as she shakes his head and says, "No I'm not. You're in love, Emori. You deserve to feel happy-happy enough to cry-because you love her and she loves you. You aren't pathetic, you're happy."

She nods, squeezing his hand again and saying, "I'm sorry about how things ended. It was wrong of me to push you away like that, to yell at you-to make you feel horrible for doing nothing wrong-"

"I was in the wrong," he says back. "I was doing absolutely nothing for you or for anyone else. You _yelled_ some sense into me."

"Enough sense that you'll man up and finally take Raven on that proper drink?" she jokes and his face gets red as he stammers, "Wh-what?"

She looks smugly at him, shrugging as she stands. "She's told us girls about it once or twice, thought you'd have acted on it by now."

He stands with her, trying to get more information by grabbing her wrist to make her stay and tell him _more_. He needed to know more, because if Raven really wants him to make that first move, he'll do it. Hell, he'll do it right now if he has too.

She shrugs again, shaking off him with a smile. "Who knows, maybe she's already made the first move and you haven't even noticed yet." She goes to the door and waits there before looking back at him with a smile he had seen once or twice before during his time on the ground. "Thank you, for talking to me. I've missed that."

He nods and whispers, "I've missed it too."

"Don't feel like you can't talk to me anymore," she confesses, one hand on the doorframe and the other by her side. "We're still friends remember?"

He nods again and this time says louder, "Yeah, we're still friends." She smiles at him before disappearing through the door and down the hall. He stands a few minutes later, shaking the nerves out of his hands as he leaves his room to go find Raven, because it was now or never. He would drink a hundred bottles of Monty's moonshine if it meant she would be with him. 

It was a long time coming.

He's about to march into the common room, not caring if Bellamy was still in there laughing away with his girl, he froze. There was a blanket spread out across the ground near the large window with two pillows. Next to it, on a little tray, were two glasses which were presumably, filled with moonshine. He walks in slowly, not noticing Raven anywhere before he hears her voice, "Damn, way to go ruining the surprise."

"Surprise?" he asks, spinning around to see her standing with a large bottle in her hands. She looks annoyed, with one hand on her hip and the other gripping the neck of the bottle tightly. "Is this-?"

"Our date?" she asks, huffing. "Yes-" she moves past to him to place the bottle down near the glasses. "-and it was supposed to be some grand surprise."

"But you were just with Bellamy-"

"Yeah, he was telling me to stop being so worried about this," she says softly with a laugh, scratching the back of her head. "Told me I was an idiot for believing you still had feelings for Emori and that I was even more of an idiot for thinking you wouldn't like this-" she stops, looking at him with wide eyes. "-Murphy, what the fuck are you doing-" 

She doesn't get another word out because he picks her up and lays her wordlessly down on the blanket and kisses her. She's frozen beneath him until she's laughing and wrapping an arm around his neck and whispering, "Guess I really was an idiot."

"Oh, you don't think," he grins against her.

His lips brush over hers before she leans up and connects them easily, the pair molding together easily as their bodies pressed together. She moves him back all the while his lips are still on hers and she rests against him on her knees. She moves a little more to the point that she's sitting in his lap with a stupid grin across her face as she kisses the corner of his mouth.

His hands are moving up her shirt, circling around to feel her back. One hand moves lower and goes to her hip and then her leg, his fingers brushing against the brace and this time around, he doesn't tense. He knows the emotion that hides when he thinks about it and he'll always be guilty for what he did to her, but he lets his hand run over the metal briefly to grab her thigh. 

"So, good date so far?" she asks him.

He nods, hand in her hair and kissing down her jaw and over her neck, "Definitely one for the books." 

They don't get to the drinks as she pushes him down onto his back, hands flat against his chest. She grabs the hem of her shirt and pulls it up and over he head, tossing it to the side with a look in her eyes that mirrored his. He gets a wild feeling in his chest, something in him turning on the for first time in years. He saw hope in her and a future and happiness, and this time, it didn't scare him.

He felt confident. He felt strong. And he felt loved.

______________________

_843 days_

"Tell me about her," Madi says, pointing to the newest drawing hanging up on the wall beside's Madi's bed. Clarke smiles fondly, but the memories with the other woman isn't as happy as she thinks but she tells her story anyways. 

"She was brought down to the ground with the rest of us," Clarke tells her, patting the spot on the bed next to her so Madi can crawl up and lay with her. "She was one of the original hundred. She was feisty, brave, smart, and beautiful. She was one of the fiercest warriors I had ever seen, but she didn't start out that way." Madi jumps onto the bed, laying next to Clarke who puts an arm around her. "She was just another girl who fell from the sky. She was rebellious and tended to flirt a little too much for her brother's liking, and struggled to find her place on the ground." Clarke lets her eyes fall over Madi, running her fingers up and down the younger girls arm. She loves telling her about her friends, about their stories, but it makes her miss them. The ones she can't hear anymore. "She fell in love, like most of us do. Easily and openly. She fell in love with a grounder, one that protected her until he died. We didn't trust him at first, deciding not to believe her word as we tortured him. We hurt him because we wanted answers and it was wrong, it was something that has haunted me for a long time."

"What was his name?"

"Lincoln," Clarke smiles. "He was as brave as her, trusting and kind, one hell of a warrior. She trained to become a fighter like him and his people, wanting to stray from her title of 'girl under the floor,' because growing up on the Ark, there was a law that you couldn't have more than one child, but Aurora Blake had two…secretly. So the warrior from under the floor ran from her title, ran from her friends, because she was in love. She fell in love with him easily, but when he was taken from her, killed like a stranger, it broke something deep inside her. She went rampant, killing for the sake of killing and not for survival or defense. She turned into someone we no longer recognized until she found herself."

"Why did you draw her with warpaint this time?" 

"She was our champion, our _Osleya._ She participated in the Final Conclave to see which clan won the bunker, and she won. She beat everyone and claimed the bunker not only for us, Skaikru, but for every clan. She saw something no one else did. She saw hope, she saw trust, and she saw  _one_ clan, not eleven," Clarke tells her, running her hand over Madi's head. "She saved everyone. She was a hero."

"She's Bellamy's sister," she's not asking her, just stating a simple fact as Clarke nods. "What made her want to become such a warrior? I know you said it was Lincoln, but there had to be another reason why she would leave her brother behind-"

In a gentle voice, Clarke says, "It was in her blood."

______________________

_874 days_

Raven works with more distractions that she would have liked. 

With Murphy nipping at her ear, his hands around her waist, and saying things he just definitely shouldn't say here, she was afraid she would never get her work done. She hasn't gotten much done lately…besides him. She got a lot done with him. More than she'd like to admit.

She fiddles with her tools, trying to think of anything besides him as she unscrews a nail and then another, trying to make a two way radio. One that would keep Clarke and Bellamy happy, but another to try and locate the fallen signal from inside the bunker. If she could get the signal back and find a way to reboot their system from up here, they should have contact. They could speak to them, find out if they're alive or not.

As she screws back in the nails and tries to see if the receiver would work, Clarke responds and says, "Still got nothing from my side."

"Dammit," Raven murmurs, rubbing her face. "It's like the bunker doesn't even want to be found." She moves to her keyboard, typing furiously a new code of instructions before trying with the receiver again. And she tries it again and again and again as she groans out, "I have to fix this, for Bellamy. We need to contact them-"

"And you will," Murphy says to her, moving the hair away from her neck to kiss her skin. He moves all the way down to her bare shoulder and her back. 

"Still nothing," Clarke radios back and at this point, Raven just feels bad. She's had the poor girl run trial and error from her side of the receiver, while Raven sits pretty with Murphy underneath her. "Want to try again later?"

"Sounds like a plan," she responds before making sure the radio was off before taking Murphy by the face and kissing him. "You're a real distraction, you know that?"

He smiles, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Haven't you heard? I'm one of the best."

She keeps her hand on his chin and kisses him slow, wishing there was a way to get even closer to him. He was warm against her and she felt like she had just taken her first spacewalk, the feeling of weightlessness and being infinite flooded through her. She wanted to feel like this forever.

"Uh, Raven?" he suddenly whispers, pointing behind him and she has to pull herself away to see what he was talking about. Her eyes go wide as she stares at the screen, falling opening like a fish as she tries to comprehend what was going on.

Someone was typing back.

_Who is this?_

Moving hastily towards the keyboard, she scoots closer, Murphy still keeping her close as she types rapidly. 

_This is the Ark. Who is this?_

Whoever was typing came back quickly, rushing out with,  _this is the bunker_. 

Raven's heart drops into her stomach as she stares at the screen, hands frozen above the keyboard. Murphy sits up taller behind her as he whispers, "Holy shit." She only nods and wondering what code she had put in finally worked and what had happened to them that it finally got it working. She pulls her hands from the keyboard and runs them nervously through her hair as she murmurs, "Why do I always come in contact first? I never know what to say."

"Maybe, I don't know, say you're name?"

She nudges him with a smile. She goes back to the keyboard, typing slowly,  _this is Raven Reyes, who is this?_

She waits anxiously, wondering if it had truly worked and this wasn't some trick. But she knew better, it wasn't like Clarke would get ahold of technology like this and neither could Bellamy, so this was real. This wasn't one of her friends testing her, this was real and she was overwhelmed. She was always the one they looked for when there was a problem, she was the person who brought Clarke back, she would be the one to bring them back to the ground, and now she was the person who brought the bunker back to life. 

The message on the screen burns into her eyes as she stares, wondering how she got so lucky being this smart.

_This is Octavia._

**______________________**

**______________________**

_Year One_

She is hopeful.

She is prepared.

She is brave.

And she is strong.

She can lead her people, she thinks. She will be fine. They will all be fine.

They have to be. 

They have to be fine for her.

______________________

"We need to be smart about this," Octavia whispers, staring at Indra from her seat in the office. It was her getaway from everything going on outside these four walls. Once she walked through those doors, she was no longer just Octavia. She was Octavia Kom Wonkru, their leader. 

"It's the best way," Indra whispers as Abby nods and adds, "They need to be punished."

"And they will be," Octavia says, not wanting this to be a scenario. She didn't want her people going through this, she didn't want them to become warriors so soon. "Let me come up with a better solution, a better option-"

"They were going to stage a coup," Indra informs her of knowledge she already knows. "They were going to overthrow and kill you."

"And you think I don't know that?" she hissed back, trying to think but she couldn't. She couldn't with all of these people in here, suffocating her. "But I won't let them fight to the death for the crime of one person."

Abby sighs, looking to Kane for sympathy which he does not give. So she argues back herself, "You've proved yourself to the others, getting back into the farm. But you have to stop them before another uprising can occur again. You're people need to trust you-"

"-to fear me, you mean," Octavia corrects her. 

This would be a never ending argument and she could see that. She could tell. But that didn't mean she wouldn't stop fighting for her people. She didn't want them to go through what she did to get here. She didn't want them to have as much blood on their hands as her. She didn't want them to have that same burden.

She wipes her face, feeling the stickiness of not only her blood but her people's and wonders how they would try and overthrow her next. Would they stage a coup like Kara? Try and starve the other clans? Or would they just come for her while she sleeps? Slit her throat and be done with it?

"When do we do it?" she finally says, not liking the way she had to go but knowing it was their only option if it meant keeping her life out of danger. "In an hour? Two?"

Indra looks at her, eyes narrowed and hard as she says, "Twenty minutes."

Octavia nods, looking at her sword that laid out in front of her and thinks to herself, this is the right thing. You are doing the right thing here. Do not be afraid. _Do not be afraid_. She stands and takes her sword, noticing the dried blood still coating the blade and thinks she will only add more to it.

They leave her, leaving silently as she goes to her mirror. She looks tired, a little angry, and a little less like herself. She missed the girl from under the floor, as silly as that sounds. She misses her with every fleeting breath. 

______________________

She watches the fighting from her throne. 

Red bathes the ground beneath her fighters, some still going and others having lost their battle early. 

Her sword takes the lives of one more, red dancing across it's victor. The crowd is quiet as the body hits the floor, falling into a pool of it's own blood and of it's fallen warriors. Red seeps out from beneath the victim and she can tell from here that it's eyes are vacant and empty. The other bodies litter the floor like pieces to a puzzle painted with deep dark red. She smiles as she stands, raising her hand and declaring, "Winner!"

The woman in the pit smiles up at her and she can't find herself to smile back.

A little less like herself, she thinks. Everyday, she grows farther and farther away from who she used to be.

The person she once admired.

The person she had _liked_.

______________________

She can't sleep at night. 

Her mind wanders to all the people who left her behind. She thought they would come back, that they would lead _together_ instead of apart. She didn't know what she was doing here, she didn't have a clue, but a part of her knew it was wrong.

She was wrong.

The pit wasn't the right answer. Killing her people wasn't the right answer. 

She watched with a smile as they slaughtered each other to live. All they wanted was to live, that's why they were brought here in the first place. She gave them a place to live, a place to prosper, but instead they were killing each other with weapons she provided. 

You are either Wonkru or the enemy of Wonkru, she thinks to herself as she rolls over in her empty bed.

 _And I'm the enemy_.

______________________

She paints her face in the mirror, the blade warm in her palm as she spreads her blood evenly like a mask.

"Are you ready?" Indra asks from the door. She was loyal to her and Octavia was afraid she would push her away if she got too carried away. If she let the bloodletting get a hold of her. She didn't want to lose anyone. Not anymore.

She nods and lets her blood run over her like she was being blessed. Like she had just been cured. She takes her sword out from it's sheath and slips the knife into the pocket by her thigh. The handle is bloody, but so is she. She follows Indra down to the pits and to her throne where Miller meets her, keeping watching. She was always being protected. _Being watched like a child_. 

She stands before the pit, where five more stand defiant. She smiles, feeling the part of herself she hates come out as she speaks. 

"You are either Wonkru or the enemy of Wonkru," Octavia shouts, gripping her sword and gripping the railing before her. "And you chose wrong." She tosses her sword into the air and watches it fall to the ground in the middle of the group as she snarls out, "To live, you must be the only one remaining. Fight to live or fight to _die_!"

She watches them scramble, fighting for the sword like it was their one way ticket out of this place. She watches as they cut their hands against the blade, wanting to live and wanting to fight for their lives, but even she knew they would die.

They would all die at this rate.

They had no choice.

______________________

_She's lowered into the bath, her body pale against the darkness of the pool. She is lowered by Indra and Miller by her arms as Abby pours more of the liquid into the bath for her. Her body is bare and she feels exposed, their hands warm against her back as she finally sinks back into the water._

_When she is submerged, she realizes she is not in water, for water is not this thick and dark._

_She sits up in the bath, coughing as she wipes her eyes, choking on the liquid she had been told to strip for. The taste is deadly, copper and metallic as she tries to spit it out, but it's consumed her. It runs through her veins and now runs over her skin and into her eyes and throat. She would never be free of this burden._

_The bath is warm, nearly too hot to be in as she's being gripped. Her arms are restrained as they grab her and push her back into the thickness and she opens her mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. She is trapped._

_Just as she's about to escape, her body fighting with her and not against, Abby looks down at her and takes her by the face as she says, "You must make a choice to save your people and you chose wrong."_

_She pushes her face back down into the darkness that coated her body in red. She screams, bubbles flying from her mouth as it moves into her mouth and chokes her. Her body is going limp, the warmth leaving her as she sinks. She wasn't dying, she thinks. She was being reborn._

_She rises from the bath, the red dripping from her body as she steps out and smiles. The blood stained her like armor. She would never be harmed again, she was their ruler and her blood didn't need to be black. The pool was still behind her before a new body emerged with a ghost like smile as she stared into the eyes she recognized in herself._

_"Be true to yourself," she whispers to her. "Don't let them change you unless you want them too. Do not be afraid, Octavia. You are safe. The red isn't what you are."_

She wakes with a start, hand on her chest as she tries to even out her breathing. Her head was pounding, like she had just been slammed into a wall. She slips out from the bed and tries to work out her sore muscles. She walks past her mirror and stops, recognizing herself from her dream.

"The red isn't what you are," she whispers to herself and prays she keeps it to heart. 

She would not be afraid of the future and she would not fear what ran through her veins and neither should her people.

They were Wonkru, they were one being entirely.

______________________

_Year Two_

She struggles to find herself in her people. 

They respect her in a new way, one that brings fear and winners and people who have valued their lives over others. 

These were dark times. Dangerous ones, and Octavia feared the worst. 

She always feared the worst.

______________________

She paces in her office, the old screens still dark after the first year. She feared they never would work, but she needed to channel her own engineer and get it working herself. She owed that to herself and her people. 

She sits down and traces the wires for the one that connected to the wall. There were at least four plugs, two plugged in and the two others not and she frowns, not understanding the first thing she should do besides plug them all back in. When she does so, she expects the screens to light up but they don't. She flips the on switch and unplugs and plugs in the cords, her brain going blank on things to try besides the simplest ones.

Turning in her seat, she pulls the old radio out and tries it one time, "Bellamy?" she says into it and a part of her half believes it will turn on and give finally give her what she desired most. 

Her brother.

"Bellamy? Please?" she whispers, voice breaking as she resting the mic up to her face and breathes deeply to stop the sudden rush of emotion. "If you're out there-" she stops herself, knowing it's pointless. If the screens and monitors didn't work, then chances are the radio wouldn't either. 

She places it aside, knowing she needs to get further into the machine. She needs to find the hard drive, maybe fix the wiring in the back. 

Shaking her head, she wonders if she will ever hear from Bellamy again, or even her friends.

She needs them, more than ever.

______________________

_He is kind to her. His eyes soften at her touch and she wonders how long they will have together. She wonders if this is it, if this is when he finally takes her away and they live the life they had always dreamed. But he is a ghost in her dreams, a mere haunting of what could have been._

_"You aren't real," she whispers to him, running a hand down his face and wanting more than anything to keep him here with her. To bring him back from whatever hell took him in the first place. She whispers to him again, emotion straining her voice, "You aren't ever real."_

_He smiles at her, hands strong against her waist. "I'll always be here," he promises. "I'll always be here for you, through life and past death, you will find me with you."_

_"But you aren't real," she choked out as he runs a hand through her hair and holds her to him in their wooded dream. The cave stands feet away and she wants to crawl inside and never leave. She wants to go back to the beginning, to when she was happy and proud and in love._

_"Octavia."_

_He says her name like it's sacred, like it's a prayer._

_"You are loved. They will find you again," he says to her with a distant look in his eyes. "Keep your eyes open and your heart. Make the choices you think are right."_

_"Lincoln-" she starts, shaking her head. "-I love you."_

_He smiles as he begins to fade, his voice echoing around her, "Be brave, Octavia Kom Skaikru."_

_"Skaikru," the name fades off her lips as she's pushed backwards and-_

She's awake.

Heart hammering in her chest and tears tried against her cheek. He was there, distant but actively in her dreams, taking her to him when she began missed him more than she missed breathing the fresh air and seeing the sky. She holds her head in hands and cries, sobbing for him and the thought that she would only ever see him in her dreams.

______________________

"There's what?" she gasped, finding it hard to breathe.

"A fungus," Kara responds, looking wearily at Octavia. She looks to Abby who only stares as she lets the other woman explain the news that can end up killing everyone inside the bunker within a few years or even worse, a few months. "In the farm. It's spread to many of the plants and I fear, without that protein-"

"-we need the protein to survive," Abby finishes, finally taking lead and stepping up to Octavia's desk. "If we don't get the required nutrients, out body will become weak and malnourished, which could lead to death. So we need to find a viable solution, something we can do to help prevent this."

Octavia's brain was running on barely any sleep, she could barely focus. "What do we do? How much time do we have? Can't we just plant new seeds?"

"We recovered seeds, yes, but we would need to eradicate the fungus entirely from the rest of the plants before we start planting," Abby tells her. "And that could take years."

"Then _what do we do_?"

"We take the bodies from the pits and we consume them for protein."

Octavia sucks in a harsh breath, nearly choking as she breathes, " _What_?"

"It's our only option."

"No, it's not!"

"Be reasonable about this. We have no other food source and we need protein and nutrients to survive a rather healthy life, so what else do we use? We have bodies and we take the meat-"

"-you mean their _flesh_ , Abby. You mean take their flesh and muscle and everything that makes them- _them_ -and eat it. Absolutely not."

Abby sighs, rubbing her forehead. "We can decide on this later, we have a few more months to come up with a better plan. But think this one through, it's our best option at keeping us alive." The older woman stops by the door and says back to her, "We need an option that can work, something that can sustain us until the crops are healthy again. We need something good."

Octavia watches her leave and her heart doesn't stop it's rapid beating until a few minutes later as she buries her head in her hands and groans, "We can't do that. We can't just eat our people-"

"They won't be alive and slaughtered like that," Indra tries to reassure her. "It will be the bodies from the pit, the people who fought for us to survive-"

"They didn't fight for shit!" Octavia yells suddenly, standing in her seat and slamming her hands down on the table. "We forced them to do it! I forced them to kill each other! This isn't right-" she shakes her head, sitting back down as she rushed out with a repeated, "- _this isn't right_."

Indra sighs, coming to stand closer to the younger girl, placing a hand on her shoulder. She was her most trusted ally, she had trained her, made her into the fighter she was today, but her reassurance scared her. It scared her more than she'd like the admit.

"What do you suppose we do?" Indra asks. "Instead of Abby's plan?"

Octavia thinks, running a hand over her head as she thinks. _What would Monty do?_ "Why can't we find different ways to make plant based foods?" She wishes Monty was was here, he would know exactly what to do, along with Jasper. The pair were trouble together, but she needs her friends. "Like-like-" she sighs. "-I don't know."

"Think on it," Indra tells her, leaving her side. "You'll have about a month to prepare a better plan, before things truly that a turn for the worst."

Octavia sits back in her chair and watches the woman go to the door and leave wordlessly. She has to protect her people, but the cost? Allowing more fights, allowing her people to eat the flesh from their kills, and allowing more pain and bloodshed. She wouldn't have it, she couldn't. 

She hates the fighting pits. She hates who she's become. She hates the bunker. She wishes we was back on the ground, on the surface of what she hides in so she can see her brother again and her friends. She misses being a child, the only thing bothering her was the fear of being caught above the floorboards. She wishes she could run through the woods, feeling the grass on her bare feet, and she wish _he_ was still here.

She wishes Lincoln was alive.

_They lay together, outside the walls of Arkadia. She rests her head on his chest and he runs a hand through her hair, the sound of his heart beat almost lulling her to sleep as they lay in their calm. She rests a hand on his chest, wiggling her fingers and running them over the loose fabric of his shirt before slipping her hand underneath the shirt to feel the warmth he gave off._

_"We aren't safe out here," he whispers and she knows he's right. "If we get spotted by grounders or your brother-we're dead."_

_She smiles, resting up on her hand to look at him. "Bellamy can't do anything-"_

_"But the grounders can."_

_"Yeah, but there's a badass here, they wouldn't dare."_

_"Who? Me?"_

_She shakes her head, a twinkle in her eyes. Pride. "No, me of course."_

_He smiles, wrapping an arm around her and flipping them so he stared down at her, "Of course, silly of me to forget I'm with the best warrior there is." He has one hand on her waist and the other resting up by her face as he leans over her. Their bodies radiating warmth in the coolness of the morning air that blanketed them in the grass hidden by rocks from camp._

_She reaches up and cups his cheek and he leans into her touch. She rubs her thumb over the smoothness of his face and he leans down and kissed her gently as she says to him, "Just you wait, I'll probably save everyone in the end."_

_He smiles again and nods, "And you'll be the hero."_

_She kisses him again, pulling him closer by the collar of his shirt and smiling as she does it. She was in love with him and she knew in this moment, she always would be, no matter the cost and no matter what happened. He would always hold a piece of her heart and him the same. They were made for each other. Made from sky and earth, they were one being, one beautiful life._

______________________

She works with the wires, placing them in their appropriate spots with the right coloring before matching the plugs near the floor with the right ports. She works silently, hitting the power button every few minutes to test out what new things she has done to the old thing. Her system works easily, she sits in her office, door shut and alone, working on a secret project to contact the people outside the bunker to ask for help.

She needs help.

She hooks the radio receiver back up to the monitor and lights finally light up the screen. It's dim and flickering, but it's on and it's working. She hardly has time to reach for the keyboard she'd buried underneath a box of extra wires and tools she'd found in one of the storage closets. She's just about to pull the keyboard free when the screen goes dark.

She lets out a frustrated cry, throwing her hands up in the air and yelling, "You stupid piece of shit-you useless computer-"

The door opens immediately and Miller stands in the doorway, one hand on the weapon attached to his hip, "What? What's wrong-" He stops, peering quizzically at her and asking, "What are you doing?"

"Trying to get the damn radio to work," she groans, laying her head down on her arms against the table. "But the monitor is shit and there's no connection down here-"

"Bellamy knows you're safe," he says, trying to reassure her of what he guesses as way she's upset. "He knows you're fine-"

"But what about him?" she whispers, looking up at him through a shield of her hair. "He could be dead-he might not have made it to the Ark, it could have crashed- _blown up_ -"

Miller enters the room, going to her side to look at the monitors, rubbing his chin that was covered in a thicker scruff than what he adorned before coming the the bunker. "Have you tried hot wiring the monitor? Connect those two switches-" he points to two on the back of the monitors that she had overlooked prior. "-with the receiver and then flip 'em."

She stares at him, eyes narrowing as she asks, "How do you know so much about this stuff?"

He smiles. "You can learn a lot in a day with Raven Reyes."

Octavia smiles, she misses the other girl immensely. Sure, she hadn't spent much time with her to form a true bond, but she misses her. She misses everyone and everything. This reminds her of the root of her stay, the reason why she's in here trying to get the monitors and the radio to work so she confesses to Miller honestly, "I hate this place. I hate this stupid bunker."

He sighs, running a hand over his head and he nods, "You and me both."

Octavia turns back to the monitor, connecting the ports to the radio with one of the extra wires that _will_ have to work. She continues working as she talks.

"I hate being in charge," she tells him. "I don't know how Bellamy and Clarke did it for so long. Having all of these lives on your hands, all of the guilt and stress." She rubs her face with her free hand as she flips one of the switches and then the other, hearing crackling come from the radio and then silence. She takes one of the wires and connects it to a different port on the radio's receiver as she says, "I didn't know, in the beginning, how well they would work together. They fought and they were mad, but they overlooked that and become some of the strongest people I know." She shakes her head, smiling a little to herself. "How can I live up to that? How do I become a leader like them?"

"Aren't you already like them?"

"No, I've become nothing like them. I'm feared, Miller. Those people out there are afraid of me because of the damn pit. I am not a leader, I am nothing good, I'm a killer down here. I'm sentencing people to death for the feeling of a win, they don't deserve that-they don't-" She can't look at him suddenly, averting her eyes to the screen and whispering, "I've failed."

Miller rushes out with a sincere, "You haven't failed, you're learning. You're learning how to lead _you're way_ , not theirs." He flips the switches for her and the screens light up in a brilliant array of blue and white. "See, you're still learning." The colors illuminate their faces as they smile and he asks her, "So, what do you do now? How do you contact Bellamy?"

She shrugs. "I have no clue, there's still no connection."

"Then I guess we just have to pray they connect to us first."

She pauses before murmuring, "Miller, can I ask you a serious question?" 

He nods.

"If you were in my shoes, what do you do to feed our people knowing our protein source is depleting but we might have one right under our noses?"

"You're talking about Abby's plan, aren't you?" 

She nods and huffs as she runs both hands through her hair. She was nervous, worried, and scared. She didn't want to do what Abby was suggesting. She didn't want her people to be forced to become something as monstrous as she was asking them to do. She couldn't. She wouldn't. 

"We can't do it," she says in a small voice, like a child's. "The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach."

"I don't know where to even begin," he tells her, being truthful which she was grateful for. "But you have one good thing going for you now. You have the monitors, which means you almost have our communications system back up…which means you can search for a better solution to our food problem."

"There isn't anything to connect to in miles, we don't even know what the world looks like outside of the bunker," she whispers, heart pounding as more fear poured into her. "No one is alive out there-no one is coming to save us and we're- _we're gonna have to eat people_!" She has both hands on her face, breathing heavily as she croaks in a desperate shout, "I don't want to _eat people_ , Miller! I don't want to do that!"

He's resting on his knees, taking both her hands into his and trying to help her breathe as he whispers, "It's okay, Octavia-it's okay! We'll figure this out, alright? We'll come up with something so much better than people. We won't do it, we won't do that."

"I'm so scared, Miller," she mumbles, little droplets of sweat rolling down the back of her neck. She was getting worked up, her face feeling hot even though the room was cool. She was terrified of the choices she'll have to make and anxious about the ones she'd already made. The pits were getting to her, the idea of her people killing each other because of a law she created, makes her want to puke. "I hate this place so much-I should-I should be with Bellamy. I shouldn't _be_ _here_."

"But you are." He looks away, thinking. "You're here and you're our leader because no one else could've done it. Not Clarke, not even Bellamy. It had to be you and it still is you."

"But I'm not myself anymore," she croaks, taking back her hands to wipe her face of the sweat and tears that she feared had already fallen down her cheeks. "I'm not _me_. I'm some shell of a person, I'm not the girl I used to be-the girl I want to be again."

"Octavia…"

"I miss the girl from under the floor!" she screams, clutching her chest as she feels emotion rise up into her throat and she's sobbing in front of him. She can barely breathe as she chokes on her tears and spit, face turned up and upset, feeling like a child but she knew this was alright. She knew this was normal, she could cry without fear. All humans have emotions, all humans cry, she should not feel ashamed. "I miss her and I miss my family and-" she swallows thickly, her body burning with the sudden onset of emotion spilling from her like a leaking pool. "-and all of our friends. We need them here, we can't do this without them. _I need them_ , Miller. I need them."

He nods, standing and looking towards the monitors, "Then we'll get them for you. We'll work on the connection and bring them back. You don't have to do this alone anymore, Octavia. You have people who would fight for you, protect you from anything." He takes her hand again and she sniffles and nods. "We're all in this together, right? No man left behind."

She smiles through the tears and nods again. "Together."

______________________

_Beginning of Year Three_

The eating people debacle was put on hold.

Octavia worked something out with the farm, limiting their intake of food until her and the others on her guard could come up with a better solution. It was all she could do to stop it, she wouldn't allow it. She was in charge. Not Abby. Not anyone else. She would do what's right by her and her people, she wouldn't have her people kill to survive and then eat their victims. 

It wasn't right.

She even tries to hold a vote against it, voicing to her people that they didn't have to do it, they could _choose_ to say no. Even after all the fighting Abby did, telling Octavia's people it was their only choice and their only hope at survival, they listened to their own hearts and chose for themselves. A completely unanimous vote against the plan. They didn't want to turn into the monsters they feared the most, so as one big clan, they came up with Octavia's substitute. Limit their eating, have more people in the farms flushing out the fungus and replanting healthy plants in different planters because they could choose for themselves. They didn't need her or Abby choosing for them.

So instead of worry and stressing like she has been doing for years, she spends most of her time in her office, working on the monitors, searching for a connection from anyone and anywhere. It wasn't until a month into their third year when she gets a crackle of life from the radio, followed by a distant voice she's can't make out over the static. She narrows her eyes, squinting as she takes the mic and holds it up to her lips and speaks, "This is Octavia Blake, does anyone copy?"

She hears nothing but the chatter, like she has accidentally interrupted someone's connection, eavesdropping into their life. She listens closely, trying to make out the voices but they are scrambled and not clear, so she has to turn the radio off and try again.

She was always trying and trying again.

______________________

"Can anyone hear me?" she pleads into the mic, wanting more than anything for someone to _hear_ her, to _know_ that she's there. But the voices never respond and they don't get clearer as she tries to listen in on the distorted talking.

"…you're right…she's out…flowers…"

"Eye…marble?"

"…green…blue…tall…fresh and cool…"

"…patch of green…"

Octavia rubs the spot above her eyebrow as it throbs from yet another headache, one she's sure she's getting from the bright useless screens. The talking are from different voices, the the ruined radio takes it's sweet time shooting out random words she tries to decipher. The people talking seem to be playing a game and she plays along, believing the game is a form of eye spy. 

Bellamy always tried to make her play it as a child, but it wasn't like she could see much from underneath the floorboards. 

"What patch of green?" she asks herself out loud, wondering if there was a part of the world still intact. Did the radiation not kill everything in it's sight like it intended too, did it truly leave one place left for them to live? To prosper?

She closes her eyes, trying to imagine the fresh air and the feeling of soil in her hands and sighs, it felt like she was never getting going back. She will never return home.

_She stands in the darkness, slowly walking up to the blue butterfly sitting on the tree trunk. It's wings bright and neon in the dark, glowing through the evergreen. She approaches it cautiously, holding out her hand steadily as the little thing flaps it's wings and lands comfortably on her hand. She had chased it all the way from camp, her heart beating excitedly as she feels the gentleness of it's body against her palm._

_Watching in amazement as more of them come fluttering into sight, landing on her arms. Smiling and laughing, she looks around at her parade of blue, a shade more defined than the sky. The trees glowing where they sat perched on little branches high above her head as the ones of her arms finally took flight. Like a swarm, they floated around tree trunks, covering them like they were made from trees themselves._

_She hears Atom approach from behind and she hears his little gasp as he looks around in her same wonderment. She holds both arms out, letting butterflies land and go as they please as he stares at him, the same passion in his eyes that were in hers as the last butterfly on her floats away as he kisses her. It's brief and sweet and as he pulls away, it leaves a smile on her face._

_They stare at one another and he goes to back away but she takes him by the back of the neck, pulling him back to her so she can kiss him. She holds his face and kisses him, wondering if this would be the first or last time as he holds her by the hips. She pulls away only to kiss him again and again before pulling back and licking her lips, laughing as he did._

_"It's okay," he whispers, a ghost of a smile still on his face. "We've got nothing but time."_ _She nods and leans in slowly, kissing him as they take each others hands, falling into each other as the blue butterflies illuminate around them like a flood._

______________________

Octavia gets the monitors working fully in the next month, typing and clicking away as an old program screen finally turns on, the black and green shining on her face. She's grinning, feeling like her own personal Raven Reyes as she types into the box underneath all the codes and finds looking back at her a little bird on the screen. 

 _Who is this?_ She types, praying it was someone good, someone she could trust. Praying it was her friends. Praying it was her brother.

She waits, watching the screen come back with a _typing…_

She fears it's an enemy of sorts, someone who could hurt her, but she knows better. She has to be logical, smart. She has to be calm, because whoever it is or whoever it can be, was someone she could trust, at least it has to be. So the time being, she pretends it's someone good. _Someone really good_. The _typing…_ bar goes away and a message is sent, their communications finally connect, their monitors going back and forth together.

_This is the Ark, who is this?_

Her mind goes blank, heart hammering in her chest and she thinks _this is it, I'm going to have a breakdown right here, right now_. Because she had finally done it. She's connected to the Ark, the people she needs the most.

Her fingers are lightning against the keys as she types, _this is the bunker_. There's a smile on her face as she waits, feeling like she could cry with joy. 

And she does as the next message comes through.

She has tears running down her face and she's openly sobbing as she covers her mouth as she reads the little message that gave her more hope than she could even imagine. 

_This is Raven Reyes, who is this?_

She feels like she could be sick, was it the happiness? Or the fact that she hasn't had a true meal in a few weeks. She types slowly and surely of herself, wanting nothing more than to hear her voice, to know if she's truly _okay_. If Raven was alright, that only meant Bellamy was too, and all of her friends. They had made it to the Ark and they were safe; she also knew they had food, they could tell her what to do, how to help her people.

 _This is Octavia_ , she types back and there's a new feeling settling in her gut.

Was it anticipation? Was it optimism? Or was it confidence, that she has finally got a sense of what she was doing and what she was mean to do?

She was confident in herself, in her family, and in her friends. 

She was ready for the future and she was ready for what was to come.

She was happy.

**______________________**

**______________________**

_874 days_

Raven can hardly think as she tries to type back something that will not only express how damn happy she was her friend was alive, but also tell her she scared them half to death and that she misses her like she misses spacewalking. She was desperate for her friend, to hear her voice. She wonders what Octavia even looks like now, was she the doe eyed girl who fell from the sky or was she the hardened warrior whose only thought is to kill. Raven prays she's her old self again, the person she trusted and the person who fought for her friends. But she knows that people grow and people change, and who Octavia grew into was not a bad person, maybe she had some wrong ideas here and there, but she wasn't a terrible human being. She was learning to be her own person, to grow out of the title she once hated.

"Do you think her radio works?" Murphy asks her, shaking Raven from her thoughts as she feels him reaching around her to grab her shirt that she had tossed against the desk earlier. She takes her shirt from him and puts it back on, covering herself up incase she has to go find Bellamy.

 _Does your radio work?_ Raven types as she wonders the same thing as she says to him, "Doubtful, but that doesn't mean we can't walk her through it right? She's gotten this far without it." Raven types something again, moving quickly to get answers fast,  _how did you get your monitors working and your communication systems?_

Octavia takes her time to respond and Raven thinks to hit her upside the head and shout something like 'type faster! We missed you too much for you to take five minutes to type three words!' But she holds herself back because she understands, she understands how she must feel finally connecting with her friends and soon to be with her brother. She understood the bliss of knowing.

_The radio is fucked._

Raven laughs as Murphy spies the screen and murmurs, "Sometimes I forget that she's related to Bellamy with a mouth like hers?"

"Come on," she nudges him gently. "Bellamy has a mouth, probably even worse than hers. Oh wait-" she grins, wrapping one arm around him she can type with the other as she looks at him, "-that's right, you didn't walk in on him having radio sex with Clarke, did you?"

Murphy tries not to laugh, covering his mouth with his hand before bursting out with it and gasping as he says the her, "What the _fuck_ , Raven!"

"Fuck-fuck-Clarke-" she groans out in her best Bellamy impression and Murphy has his hands over his ears, howling for her to stop, "Raven! What the actual fuck?! Stop!" Behind his howling, he's laughing. 

She ignores his laughter and looks back at the monitor with a grin she's trying to hide, the next message comes through.

_I got the systems up myself. Help from Miller._

_Let me guess, he said he learned it from me,_ Raven types with a smile as Octavia responds faster,  _Of course, only bragged a_ little _about you first. Can you tell me how to fix the radio? Heard voices and static, nothing else._

They type fast, going back and forth starting with Raven's simple,  _Sometimes the cords have to be positioned in a certain way if they're old._

_Okay, holding them up in an awkward position at your request. What next?_

_Screw the cords in tightly._

_Done._

_Is there a red light on?_

_No._

_Crack open the receiver and flip the batteries and dust off the hard drive._

Octavia takes a minute to respond before messaging her with,  _Done. Red light on._

_Any voices?_

_Hold on._

There's a crackling on Raven's end. She grabs the mic and rests back against Murphy as she says, "Tell me, how much did you miss me?"

Octavia laughs and she is so  _happy_ to hear her. "So much, you don't even understand." She's alive and okay, which only brings her even more incredible delight at the thought that her friend has survived the death wave like they had. 

"Like, on a scale of one to ten."

" _A hundred_."

They both laugh and Raven has to hold back her tears as she whispers into the mic, "I missed you so damn much. Everyone has."

Octavia mirrors her emotion and chokes out a tearful sounding, "Is Bellamy alright? Is he-" she sighs and Raven can imagine her hunched over and shuddering. "-is he alive?"

Raven nods, grinning as she says to her with eyes full of tears, "Yes, he's alive and he's-shit-Murphy go get him- _right now_ -"

"Murphy!" Octavia cheers. "How have you _cheated_ _death_ again?! Thought you would surely be dead by now…"

"Jesus, O," Murphy laughs as Raven stands to let him get up as she holds down the switch for him to keep talking to her. He grabs his shirt from the floor and fixes his jeans. "Glad to know you missed me, _a lot_."

"I did! Swear!"

"Sure sounds like it."

"God, has he always been such a negative bitch?" Octavia asks Raven. "No offense, of course." She's laughing and she means it, fully. 

" _Love you too_."

He saunters to the door, giving her a thumbs up before leaving her with a smile. She waits to see if he'll poke his head back in, say some ridiculous one liners, and be gone, but he doesn't, so she turns around in her seat and throws her feet up on the desk and cutting to the chase, "So, how is the bunker? Any issues?"

Octavia sighs, loud and dramatic before spilling some of her story, "Had an uprising during the first three months which was, as always, very thrilling. So as punishment I was forced to create these fucking stupid fighting pits-which I stopped okay, I stopped them! They are _no more_."

"Fighting pits? Like fight to the death?"

"Yes," she groans back. "They sucked and it make me feel horrible and stressed and all of the above. I don't even know what went through my brain to tell me that was the right choice, the _right thing_ for my people. A part of me just assumed they would enjoy it, get their anger out through it, because most of them were soldiers, fighting for their clans. So I kept it going, but it took it's toll on me. I was beginning to not feel like myself, I was no longer _me_. But, to top it all off, our crops then were infected by a quick spreading fungus so we were yet again…screwed. Any chance Monty is standing right behind you and can tell me what the hell I can do to fix it? You guys have food right?"

Raven grins, wiping the wetness away from under her eyes. "We have shit tasting algae, why? You want the recipe?"

"Yes! Please! Get him in here right now, we're practically starving to death! For dinner last night, I had two-just two-tablespoons of that damn food. That's all."

"Wasn't there another way to get food? A different option?"

"Either starve or become cannibals, so I chose to starve and my people chose the same."

"You had a vote?" Raven stops herself before blurting out, "Wait- _what_? You were going to become _cannibals_?!"

Octavia sounds restless, hearing her move around on the other end as she tells her, "Yes to both. I wasn't going to let the bunker become a horror show when I knew there were other options out there! And for the voting? Abby Griffin thought it was vital to our survival to ask if my people-yes I said _my_ people, _not hers_ -wanted to be healthy and live. But guess what they did? Sided with me, of course."

"Of course?"

"I'm practically the devil down here because of the pits," she confesses. "I'm feared because they still think if they do one thing wrong, they'll be thrown into the pits. I never wanted to be like this, to be the monster. I was supposed to lead them, be kind to them, and instead? I let them fight for the blunt end of a sword." She sounds like she's rubbing her head, the mic close to her face as she whispers, "I'm just so goddamn happy the radio works and you're here-" she sighs pitifully, like she's about to start crying again. "-I'm just so thankful you're here. I didn't know-" she sighs again, like she has to stop herself from sobbing. "-I didn't know whether you were alive or dead."

Raven gives her a watery smile, trying her hardest not to start bawling again because space has taken it's toll on her emotions. "We're here, we're alive. We're _all_ alive."

She hears the workshop door open again and she takes her feet off the table and wipes her eyes as she looks at Bellamy, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. Because it wasn't that long ago that she'd brought him in here herself to tell him the love of his life was alive and asking about him. This time around, she brings him in to tell him his sister is alive, begging Raven to let her talk to him and she feels a sense of pride in her doing, bringing people back together. She looks at Murphy, who gives her a soft smile and looks at her like she's the entire world and although sometimes she tends to think she is, today she is certain. She gives him a kinder smile, softening her look before speaking to Bellamy, "Looks like we have another surprise for you, Blake."

He crosses his arms and grins, "Will I be passing out again?"

"Depends," Octavia answers for her, anticipation and excitement in her voice. "Who else have you passed out for recently?"

The look that crosses Bellamy's face is a mix of delight and relief as he moves forward quickly, taking the mic from Raven and sitting down on shaking legs. He opens his mouth to speak but is already so choked up he closes his mouth and rubs his forehead.

"Hi, big brother."

Bellamy breathes out roughly, smiling as he shakes his head with his own fair share of tears in his eyes. "Told you we'd meet again."

"And I'm just where I said I'd be…" Octavia responds. "…under the floor."

The pair laugh, watery sounds coming from their mouths as Raven stands slowly and goes to the door. Murphy opens his arm for her and she slides up against him, resting her head against him. They stand and look, smiling as brother and sister were finally reunited, wondering what could come next.

They were all separated. The ones in space, the others on the ground, and the others buried beneath it. So what else could their future hold? 

She wasn't sure, but she knew one thing and one thing only.

They would be happy.

They would be _so_ happy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh! Part 2 is finally done! I hope y'all like it! If there are any mistakes (grammar and shit) pls help bc im garbage at it :)  
> And if you want a part 3, comment below!!  
> my tumblr is bellarkeatsea so if you want to rec fic ideas pls pls do !!!
> 
> thank youuu!


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